This is another post that is very hard for me to make. On this day we spent a good amount of time taking our family Christmas card photo. It took A LOT of tries, but we eventually got one we were pleased with. Pretty cute photo, right?
Well, we went out of our way to show my pregnant belly in this photo and then our card said how excited we were to be welcoming our new baby girl just in time for Christmas.
We did not send out our Christmas cards. I haven’t looked at this picture since Mara died, and seeing it now, knowing that in this picture she was alive, healthy and tumbling all around inside me like she did everyday, it hurts more than I can begin to explain. Just like all the pictures I have seen of myself pregnant since we lost Mara, that seems like a different person, in a different lifetime. That smiling family had no idea about the tragedy was going to occur, and there is no going back to the way life was before she died. We are forever changed, and no matter how much time passes or how many happy moments we are able to enjoy as we adjust to our “new normal,” we will always miss her, and miss the feelings of anticipation and happiness we felt on this day, and every day before December 17th.
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